oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
