I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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