worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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