ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
