oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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