I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
