I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
