My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
