The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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