the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
