you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she smelled like a LAN party
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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