I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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