went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
