Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
