it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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