she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
