Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
