If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
