He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
