If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
