so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
