it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
