i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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