i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
