The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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