So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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