We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
