And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
