I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
