The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
