I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
