My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
