I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
