I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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