so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
