Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
