operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hippo gnu deer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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