Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
