Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
