I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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