I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
