i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
