HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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