i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
