Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
