The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
