i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
