last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
