if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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