i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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