I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
