you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
