just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
