i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
