So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
