I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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