Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
